he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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