Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
