This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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