$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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