you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
