You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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