There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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