Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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