I forgot how hot balto sounded
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
