haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
