I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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