I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As shirtless as possible
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
