the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
