we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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