Swine flu. Run for my life!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
