Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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