I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize