Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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