The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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