he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
