make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
