thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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