I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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