escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
