So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
