I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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