someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
