I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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