I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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