wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
