so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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