My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize