Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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