Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
