Christians are straight up FREAKS
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
