How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
