you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
