This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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