You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
