So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
