Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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