is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
