I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
