you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
