i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
