Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
