You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
