shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
