Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
where are my eyebrows?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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