It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
