there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
