The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
