my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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