He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
