Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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