remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
