Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
