THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
