just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
