If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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