hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
